“I’m a good parent. And I lie to my kids.”
The lying isn’t what makes us a good parent, however, it doesn’t consequently mean we are a bad one either. We all deceive our children and if you say you don’t, you’re a liar!
We deceive our kids for a lot of reasons. Since we need to protect them. Since we don’t generally know the correct answer. What’s more, yes, occasionally when we’re simply lazy.
But there’s a difference between deceiving kids particularly to hurt them, and harmless white lies. White lies are the consequences of dealing with little humans who definitely drive you to your limit with their questions sometimes.
So, on that note here are 7 regular lies guardians tell their children:
- “It’s time for bed.”
Technically bedtime is in an hour. But since you’ve had a long day, you can’t tell time, and daylight has brought on this sweet merciful darkness, the night train is boarding early.
- “That drawing is FANTASTIC!”
Look, I’m your dad. I’m never going to tell you something you worked hard on sucks. But why do you insist on playing this game where you make me guess what you drew? If I’m being an honest, it looks like a sphincter with three arms — not Batman. In the future, just tell me what you drew so we don’t set ourselves up for mutual disappointment.
- “No, I don’t know where your art project went.”
Yes, I do. I threw it away. Not to be mean, but because I have to. Seriously, buddy, you bring home five art projects a day from school. Our kitchen wall is filled with your creations. If I don’t make at least a little room, we’ll be on Hoarders in a hot second.
- “Babies are made when two people really love each other.”
Or when two people have too much wine. Or the condom breaks. Or mommy forgets to take her special pill. Or when the vasectomy doesn’t take.
- “The toy store/candy store/Disney World is closed.”
I’ve told you. Repeatedly. I’ve explained to you with perfect logic and reason why we can’t go to any of the ridiculous places you’re begging me to go. But you don’t care. It’s not your job to care. I get that. But it’s my job to be on time (or at least not ridiculously late), which means it’s a million times easier to lie to you and tell you the place you want to go is closed. Someday you’ll be able to tell time and this excuse won’t work, but today is not that day.
- “Yes, your fish has been very sleepy lately.”
Someday, when you’re older and I’m mentally prepared, I’ll tell you that Nemo now sleeps with the fishes. But in the meantime, your sleepy fish will be totally reinvigorated as soon as the pet store opens.
- “Your mom and I were just…wrestling.”
Mom is on top of me because she’s trying to pin me. No, you can’t play too. Yes, we need a lock on the bedroom door.